Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
cat food counts as protein by the way
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
