I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
