If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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