Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
