if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
