Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
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Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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