More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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