Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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