I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
