Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
