Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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