The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
