Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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