the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
