...so i touched it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
