you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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