I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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