Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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