so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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