i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
