Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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