HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
