You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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