id be glad to
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
