Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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