Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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