I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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