A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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