Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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