do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
