God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
