I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
