Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My bed smells like the plague
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
