i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
