I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
