I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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