VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
