Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
