She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
