Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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