As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
