the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
