on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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