someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize