I got chris browned last night
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
