He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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