this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
