I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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