Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
