According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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