Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize