dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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