My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
