It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
