She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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