Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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