I think I died a long time ago.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You're like the curious george of whores
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
