The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
