bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
