Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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