sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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