I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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