So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
