3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
