I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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