If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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