You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
